it is curious why despite being these last days among the most difficult of my life the words which portray me here do not sincerely reflect the constant straying of feelings and thoughts that overwhelms day after night after day after night in which my clock continues to tick and despair continues to trouble perhaps the very capability of putting this stuff into words yes
I feel as if all I must do now is performing a complete stop maybe the maze ends with a stop and not with ongoing steps yes maybe and if

somehow I must keep the high hopes on//
the problem as always is not much the how but the why