i am out there

...i suddenly realized that the constant questioning in which i have submerged during the last couple of years is precisely what is tampering with my usual dreaming material, with my usual building blocks of life. it is not quite any questioning, it is precisely the questioning that promises to be amazing and fulfilling; i came in convinced that the hidden mistakes would reveal and that the uncovered wonders would stand at a grasp of my hand. but then the power of deception became everything but ignorable, and the conviction of finding beauty under thousands of feet of heavy questioning-earth dissolved into nothing. i have come out with a couple of tears in my eyes, and now i stand in the quicksand of absurdity, circularity, i-care-a-damnity.

"we suffer every day, what is it for
these crimes of illusion, are fooling us all..."

but then again, my heart continues beating, and the desperate wish for a bearable freedom once again clogs each and every one of my arteries. i have seen beatiful eyes, i have touched the softest of all skins, i have sensed the purity of a warm chest.

and then again, it is difficult for me to be convinced that there is any one out there. who are you? i would sometime swear to the living that i know you are, that i know you are waiting deep within the abyss of your eyes. can you tell me who I am?

there is something there that stands, there is something that is breathed in with the air, it is the ineluctable, the turning-point-of-all-despair,

i am out there.

escucho: Only You , Portishead / Roseland NYC Live